Anicee's Digital Existence

meme: the soundtrack of your life

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:16:25 GMT

Here's how it works.
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press Play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing; for extra cool points, add descriptions.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits
Party in My Pocket by KingoftheHill

Waking Up
Billie Jean by Chris Cornell

First Day at School
Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Falling in Love
Nausea by Beck

Fight Song
Dirty Work by Shaw/Blades

Breaking Up
Priority One by DFive9

Prom
Bitch - Sevendust

Life
Black by Pearl Jam

Mental Breakdown
Don't Lose My Number by Phil Collins

Driving
Kindergarten by Faith No More

Flashback
Vivica by Jack Off Jill

Wedding
VooDoo People by The Prodigy

Birth of a Child
Rust In Peace... Polaris by Megadeth

Final Battle
Two Princes by The Spin Doctors

Death Song
Maddening Shroud by Frou Frou

Funeral Song
You Bring Me Joy by Anita Baker

End Credits
Mad World by Michael Andrews (Featuring Gary Jules)

RIP Traci Michaels

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 08:44:13 GMT

My heart is heavy as I post this.
I was just informed that a dear friend from yester-year has passed away today.
He was very visible in the local music community through the late 80's/early 90's, so some of you will definitely be familiar with him.

His name was Traci Michaelz. He was a drummer. He was most notably in the local bands "Champaine" and "Wasted Angel." He eventually moved to Hollywood to continue playing the kind of music that he enjoyed. The musical landscape here had changed quite a bit (aka grunge, and somber tones moved in, and made a real impact on the glam/sleaze rock scene). In Hollywood he was involved in several notable projects including Heart Throb Mob, and most recently The Peppermint Creeps.

I didn't know much about his personal life over the past while, but one thing that I always said in regard to Traci is that he was always true to himself. He didn't follow the trends that a lot of other musicians did back in the day, and that never changed. He didn't compromise what he was trying to convey from my perspective. There may have been some growth, and change, but he stayed true to what he was trying to do the entire way.

Whether I talked with him recently or not he definitely had an impact on my life. There are memories a small group of friends (Traci having been one of them), and I share alone, and I hope that some of those memories can extend a hand of comfort to everyone.

One of Traci's nearest, and dearest was my good friend Ray (who is probably pissed at me for not being in touch). Ray & Traci were like siamese twins back in the day.

I hope you don't mind, but I have to share a memory that always makes me smile, and it's still a story I tell (in more detail than I'll convey here) in present day.

Back when we were all in our late teens/early twenties our little pack of friends went to see Wayne's World together at the movie theater. We were the annoying group in the theater because we were louder than we should have been, and Ray & Traci were causing all kinds of distractions from their seats in front of us girls.

Anyway, through a series of shooshes from other attendees, and laughter from all of us (we were little shits) the crowd was getting more and more peeved by us being there. We probably ruined the movie for many of them.

And then the funniest thing happened (ok, you may not laugh, but it still causes me to crack a smile because it was so loud, and antagonistic). During the car scene where Wayne and his cohorts are listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Traci & Ray decided to rewrite the lyrics. Instead of "Mama Mia, Mama Mia, Mama Mia Figaro" the two of them shout out "Gotta Pee-a, Gotta Pee-a, Gotta Pee-a, Let Me Go." So stupidly funny that we all just started cracking up.

I believe, if memory serves correctly, that some jock guys turned around, and tried to get threatening at that point, but didn't get very far.

Anyway, a lot of my favorite memories from back then include those two, and I'll always cherish them. No matter what kind of a person I am today. No matter what happens in the future, or whether I keep in touch the way I should (and mean to) or not, I will always treasure those times.

(Tracy in the center)

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 04:14:47 GMT

I haven't been here in a while, but I really felt the need to post a message about a friend from yester-year.

I found out today that an old, old friend, Shawn Oliveira passed away last week.
I haven't been close with him since I was a teenager (not incredibly close then to be honest). However, my buddy slinkii /Lisa (who lives in Cali) met him through me back in the day. They became incredibly close, and stayed close over the years.

When I knew him Shawn was in his late teens singing for the band Steel Blue. They played with Cryin' Shame, and a couple of other bands once at the Rockwood Grange (I'd estimate the year was...88-89-ish), and that's where we met. He was the typical musician guy back then (but then again, who wasn't).

Over the years since he's served time in the Air Force, found a deep rooted love for religion, and had become married with children.

slinkii/Lisa informed me several years ago that Shawn had been diagnosed with cancer. It was a rough road for him, but he pulled through, and beat it away
Not too long ago She informed me that the cancer had returned, and spread. The prognosis wasn't good, but of course everyone hopes.

I have been sick with a nasty cold the past few days, and had been avoiding my phone all day (in and out of a nyquil coma) when I finally got up to find out who was calling. It was Lisa. She just returned from a three week vacation with her husband to see his family in England on Sunday. She's been down with a bad sinus infection, so she hadn't been checking her email. She did this morning, and was informed of the memorial services plans then. She'd been trying to call me all day, and I feel awful.

We talked until her phone battery was dying, but I don't know if I helped at all. Actually a lot of the things that I said in an attempt to be comforting sounded like something you'd probably hear on really bad tv. Way on the hammy side. I did try though. And even though I sounded like a dufus I was sincere.

Anyway, though some of you were around, and doing the music scene thing back then I don't know if anyone would remember him. Just in case though, I felt I should share.

Shawn was survived by his wife of approximately 13 years, 3 sons, and a daughter. He was 37.

Thankfully he isn't suffering anymore.

Here's the obituary I found if anyone is curious to know more about him.
http://www.nrtoday.com/article/20080528/OBITS/281755475/1036

Take good care everyone,
Anicee
x-posted to: My MySpace, and My New Blog</lj>

A quick update.

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 22:32:41 GMT

Hey all!
Well, I'm moved into the new apartment. Actually I have been for almost 2 weeks now.
This is the first chance I've really had to write anything becauyse I've been going back to the old house to clean A LOT! It's amazing what kinda ick happens when ya smoke indoors in a house where the air doesn't circulate the way it should. In addition there was just so much CRAP. Looking at how much we got rid of versus the amount of space we actually lived in doesn't make any sense whatsoever. :)

Anyhoo, after this weekend we'll be done with the old house, and my time will free up quite a bit.
This is the first time I've gone through this process first hand. Normally, in the past, I found myself in the way more than anything, so I took care of my stuff, and that was that. This time I got a big eye opener with the amount if time, stress, and crap that's involved. I'm living light from now on. ha ha ha

I'll be catching up with everyone once the weekend is over.
I hope you're all doing well.
Hugs,
Anicee

Moving/Offline

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 21:14:11 GMT

Hey all...
Just a quickie note to let ya know what's up.

I'm in the process of packing/cleaning my house because I'm moving this Saturday. Woo Hoo!
Out of one shit hole and into another (at least the new one's cheaper! tee hee).

Anyhoo...
We haven't set up the phone at the new place yet. Just haven't had to time to sit down with the bill transfering, and all that fun (yuck) stuff. So for the next little while I am gonna be offline. I won't be able to check email or anything. I just thought you'd like the heads up.

You can still feel free to drop me a note whenever. I just don't make any promises as to when I'll be able to receive it.

Ok, that's all...
I hope you're all doing well. :)
Hugs,
Anicee

A normal post! :)

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 06:14:46 GMT

Hi all!
I am so sorry I haven't posted in forever. Well, with the exception of the "pity me" post the other day. Sorry. I just needed to vent.

Anyhoo...
Life has been up and down lately, as always.
I just haven't been into journaling much lately. I think everything's really changed for me in that respect since my Grandpa died in December. I am trying to get back into it, but there's so much back story (sin it'd been like 3 months since I last posted) that I tend to feel overwhelmed. Like I need to post everything here, when in reality I don't have to post anything I don't want. SO rather than go on and on about the mundane stuff I'll just move ahead. :)

I've recently taken up a couple of new hobbies. I've started making jewelry. Right now it's nothing special (well, my niece digs it! ha ha ha), but all I'm making at this point is stuff I want anyway. Mostly just bead sets (necklaces, and bracelets). However, my bestest bud, slinkii/Lisa is the one who got me interested in it, and she just sent me a big ole box full of goodies. Along with beading stuff there was wire, and tools, and a lot of fun things to work with. I haven't really had a chance to work with it much yet, but I'm planning on it either tomorrow or Wednesday.

I've also taken to photography. I'm sooo not a Photographer, but I love trying! My family is already sick of my camera, and I've only had it for about a month! ha ha ha

I've also created, what I hope to be, my final personal site. Aside from my journal, and myspace accounts, this new site is going to be the mainstay for all of my creative posting. It's a gallery site I set up. You can check it out here:
Anicee's Galleries!

I have digital art, photos, web design, my mp3, and more there.
I've been trying to create my portfolio for so long that it's not even funny. I spend countless hours designing it, and by the time I'm done I HATE it, so none of the designs have ever seen the light of day. I decided that a portfolio just wasn't meant to be for me. So a cumfy little gallery site is just peachie!

Aside from that I've been enjoying going to shows again, and it's become a bit more regular for me.
I went to see Kandles At Nine on May 13th. Then I saw Boom Bust on May 27th. I was planning on seeing Kandles At Nine again on June 2nd, but there was some drama regarding the line-up, and they didn't end up playing. I went to see the GnR tribute band, Appetite For Deception on June 9th as well. They were a lot of fun. I'm gonna go see them again on July 8th. After that my buddy nw_photochick/Marie is taking me (as an early Birthday present) to see Information Society on July 29th! I know ya may think it's silly, but I am sooo stoked! She and I went and saw them back in the early 90's together, and just had a blast (and a pretty embarassing moment too), so it'll be fun to go down that road together again. To close out the Summer, on August 25th (my 32nd Birthday) Kandles At Nine is playing at the RnR Pizza!!! I'm so excited! ha ha ha

Ok, well I'm babbling at the moment. I'm gonna stop now.
I hope you're all doing well.
Ciao 4 now...

Depressed! Ugh!

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 00:45:36 GMT

Hello everyone...
I know, I know... it's been forever. I suck.
Seriously, it seems as though I may be getting back into the computer thing, so hopefully that will equate to me getting back into journaling here. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch with some of you.

Unfortunately today's post isn't gonna mean much to anyone, but me. I suppose that's the idea behind journaling, then again, this is a semi-public forum, so whatever! ha ha ha

Basically what I am writing here can easily be ignored. I'm in a funk, and by myself, so I am gonna just whine for a minute so that I can get whatever this is, out.

I don't know if it's lack of sun, poor diet, lack of sleep, a combination of all three or what, but I've just become so down all of the sudden. Nothing happened. Not at all. In fact everything was going pretty well today. I went to lunch with my Grandma, and went over to fix her computer (well, help her with a couple of technical issues, but nothing major). We had great conversation, lunch was awesome (Mushroom Swiss Burger @ Red Robin), etc.

I suppose, now that I'm trying to self-analyze a bit it's probably the past few days that have caught up with me. There's some family drama (gee, there's a surprise!) that's been at the forefront of my attention. I thought I was handling it pretty well, but maybe the emotional aspect of it all has just crept up on me.

I dunno...
All I know is that I feel terrible at the moment. I don't have any energy, I feel like I'm on the verge of crying, I don't want to do ANYTHING. I guess it bugs me because it seemingly came from out of nowhere. Kind of like when a cloud slowly covers the sun, ya know? One minute it's bright, and then there's a gradual color change, and everything shifts. Part of me wishes that I would cry. I mean if it's the stress of the past few days then that would be a potential solution, but I can't even do that. I'm just all pent up, and blah!

If I felt like the wrath of my family wouldn't swing down on me I'd fully share the details, but I've been down that road. It's exhausting just thinking about it.

Anyhoo...
I just wish I could snap out of it. This is one of those bad feelings. Not a normal ick day, but a nasty gray hue cast on everything around me. It just sucks. I think this may be the exact thing that I need to get me back into therapy. In all honesty I totally miss talking with Alexandra. I can't figure out why it's been so hard for me to get back in there. It was so helpful for me. I just wish I could shake this awful feeling. It just feels like I'm being swallowed. I haven't felt this bad in MONTHS!

I do have to say that I'm thankful for the internet at moments like these though. I mean I'm sitting here by myself. I don't really feel like talking on the phone, but the idea of being alone when I feel like this is not fun at all. Having this little outlet makes me feel a little more connected.

Ok, I'll shut up now. I'm gonna go put on a movie, or read, or something.
Sorry to pop on for the first time in what seems like forever, and throw a pity party for myself, but I just had to get it out in the open. It's completely nonsensical, and I apologize to any of you who actually donated time to this pathetic little tirade.

More (less droopy stuff) later...

Bus Accident, Moving Plans, Savannah, etc.

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 22:47:07 GMT

Wow, the last little while has just been busy... well, I guess that's not entirely true. There's just been a lot of planning going on.
Ya see, we're moving to Beaverton in September. Normally when we move we're sooooooo unorganized, and it's a real bitch getting everything done. I've now taken controll of planning, budgeting, etc...and I'm all over it. Planning a couple of garage sales, going through all of our junk, and deciding what to keep and get rid of. We've decided that we're basically getting rid of almost all of our furniture, and we're just gonna start fresh. Our stuff is all pretty old and run down, and we decided that we wanted new stuff. I created a budget for the next few months that will allow us some serious saving opportunities. If all goes well we're gonna have a good handle on finances when it's time to move.

I will state that I was against moving to beaverton initially. That is a driver friendly area. It's a big tech/business community (Nike Campus, Intel, Techtronix, etc). Being a bus rider it's not incredibly practical. However, we found a couple of places on a couple of bus routes that put us in connection with everything. It was tough finding decent places that will accept my dog (Cassie, she's an adorable black lab that basically runs the show around here! ha ha ha). Most of the places have no problem with my Cat (Diva, the name says it all), but we narrowed it down to 5 different places. We went out to see several of them this past weekend.

We started off at Hunters Run. As it turned out that was the only place we saw! I fell in love with the place. It's fantastic! It's located right behind Fred Meyers. There's a couple of resteraunts, a Hollywood Video, and a couple of other things a block away, and it's just gorgeous. It's on this huge walking trail, and there's a pond with a wood bridge, a playground for when my nieces come to visit, great floor plans, etc. I was sold from the word go. We went and talked to the Leasing Agent, and she said they were having an open showing of the Exeter floor plan (the one we want) in April (they're nice places, so they go fast), so we're going to go back and see the apartment for ourselves in a few weeks. If all works out THAT will be my future home. I liked what I saw/read on ForRent.com, but after seeing it for myself, wow. It's just perfect. Oh, and it's across the street from a big aquatic park too. My sister is a big swimmer, so that's perfect. I guess it also has tennis courts, and a skate park. Lots to do. It'll make transitioning from a house to an apartment a lot better having so much to do/see out there.

We're still planning on going to see the other complexes in a couple of weeks, but only as back ups.

Anyway, so we left there with big smiles. All was good until the bus neared our stop. I looked at my mom, and saw her grab the bar, and brace herself. I looked forward and there was a car sliding sideways at us at about 40-45 mph!! I grabbed the bar, and SMASH! It happened so fast, it was all so surreal. As soon as we'd stopped I jumped up, and followed a man off the bus to see if the people in the car were ok. The car was annihilated. There was one man in the car. When I first saw him he was up against the passenger side which was entangled with the front of the bus (by the door). He was bleeding from the head, and shoulder. Initially he was unconscious. The man in front of me was talking (before we got hit) about being a serious hiker, and the lack of medical facilities in certain areas. It was obvious he knew some basics. Thankfully he knew what to do. It was at that moment that I wondered what I would have done had he not been there. I mean I flew off the bus to check on the car, but I don't know jack. All I know is that if someone is conscious to keep them talking, and DON'T move them in case of neck/back injuries. The hiker got into the backseat of the car, and checked the guys pulse. He was saying a couple of things to an onlooker who was on the phone with 911. Then he tried to move the guy!! I was like, "DON'T MOVE HIM! He could have neck or back injuries!!" He stopped, and agreed. The car wasn't on fire or smoking, so we waited for the paramedics, firemen, police. The driver of the car was in and out of consciousness for the next couple of minutes. We both talked to him (the hiker being more prominent, for the record. I was kinda freaked, so I wasn't as helpful as I would have liked to be). He was pretty messed up. After seeing the car I'm surprised he wasn't dead. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and I'm pretty sure that his head smashed into the corner of the bus on impact.

When the police came the officer was trying to talk to the guy, and had the hiker get out of the car. The hiker walked up, and said, "That guy stunk of alcohol." After a few minutes when the adrenaline started to fade I was looking around. There were skid marks starting almost a block away on the other side of the street. I'm no driver, but it looked pretty obvious that he lost control at the bend in the road, and locked his brakes. He must have been flyin'. They took him away in an ambulence, and the consensus was that his injuries didn't seem to be fatal (thankfully), but it was so freaky!

I banged my knee, and pulled a muscle in my shoulder, but aside from that everything was fine for everyone on the bus. I actually didn't say anything about either because it wasn't super important. I don't even have a bruise on my knee, so no biggie. We gave statements to Trimet, and the Police, and then walked the block to the Max stop we needed to be at. 20 minutes later we were browsing the setting at Cedar Hills Crossing like nothing had happened. I was shaking like a leaf though, and when we sat down to eat at this awesome little place called "Noodlin'" I just felt horrible that we were behaving as though nothing had happened. It almost seemed like it happened to someone else. It was so bizarre.

Ok, enough of that...next...

At the same time, Adrian & Rayna brought my new niece, Savannah up so we could all meet her. She's totally precious. We visited with them before we headed out to Beaverton. She wasn't even two weeks old, and just so tiny! awwww....ha ha ha

We met them at my Grandma's house so that we could all visit for a bit. It was so nice, but at the same time I was sad. I wished my Grandpa had been there to see her too. It's interesting because I've always been a bit wishy-washy on the whole religion thing, but my Grandpa was steadfast in his beliefs. There were times I actually faked interest because he didn't have anyone to really share with. That seemed to make him happy. I wish I could have believed more, for his sake. However, now that he's gone I KNOW that if there is a Heaven, he's in it. And if he is, then I think he saw her for himself.
I know, it's a bit mushy, but I truly do feel comforted by the idea that he believed strongly enough that if there's any chance that Heaven exists, he was bumped to the head of the line because he made reservations. :)

Oh, and after we left Grandma's we were waiting for the bus, and I ran into Marie/nw_photochick. She was meeting another friend, and they were going shopping. So we chatted for a bit while we waited for the bus. That was fun.

Anyway, this is just shy of being a novel, so I am gonna close for now, but hopefully I'll post a bit more regularly now.
I have a shit-ton of things to do around the house to start preparing for the garage sales, and moving, but I'll definitely be around. :)
More later...

I'm an Aunt (again)

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 08:36:32 GMT

Hello everyone.

Just a quickie post. I know I suck. I just haven't been spending all that much time online lately. When I am on I am trying to play catch up in so many places that I just haven't fallen back into a normal pattern to where I can just sit for a bit, and spend time here. I am working on it, so please don't hate me if you haven't seen me around much lately.

As for the header.. yep..I'm an aunt again.
Savannah Ray was born this morning. She weighed in at 7lbs 15oz, and was 20" long.
I haven't seen her yet (waiting for pictures). It makes it hard when everything happens 300 miles away, ya know? My dad, step-mom, and sister went down to be with my brother and his wife, so they should have pictures when they get back in the next couple of days.

It's so funny because I always assumed I'd be the one with kids. When we were younger I never saw my brother in that situation. Now he has 3 daughters. I figure between my 12 yr old niece, my 3 yr old niece, and now Savannah, not to mention my 14 yr old sister...there's enough kids going around. ha ha ha

Besides, being an aunt/big sister has a lot of perks that parenthood doesn't afford. I can hang out with them with minimal scolding. I can be the "cool" adult, etc. I can also have some selfish time when I need to be moody.

This past weekend my oldest niece, Jessica, was over. We had a shit load of fun. I love having her here. The only suck-ass part of it is when she goes home. It just gets depressing here for a couple of days. Even my dog gets bummed.

Anyhoo...
I have to catch up on some email, and head off for the night.
More later...

December Timeline & The Loot

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:50:07 GMT

Ok, I know I was gone for the month, but it really was a rough, and crazy month.

Here's how my December - New Year's Day went.
TIMELINE

Dec 4th : My Grandpa died.
Dec 8th : Massive toothache
Dec 9th : Emergency Dental Appointment - Tooth pulled
Dec 10th: Caught a nasty bitch of a cold
(while dealing with the horrible pain in my mouth/jaw because the Dentist - while nice - was clueless, and did a shitty job)
Dec 16th: Chaperoned my sister's 14th birthday sleepover (7 kids)
Dec 18th - 23rd: Christmas Shopping Chaos
Dec 24th - 25th: Beautiful Christmas Holiday
Dec 26th - Dec 30th: Decompression from the events of December
Dec 31st: Under-budgeted for the New Years Eve show I was planning on attending, so I read the first half of the book "Jarhead" (trying to get through it so I can move on the the Dave Navarro autobiography that Lisa/slinkii gave me for Christmas), which has been a good read thus far.
Jan 1st : Dad had a flood in his basement/recording studio on the 29th, and was still dealing with it on the weekend due to ground water seepage. All his equipment was moved out, and they had pulled up the carpet, etc, etc, but he needed help moving some of his tools out of the garage, and so on, so we spent the day doing that. I feel so bad for my dad. He's invested so much in his studio, and for Christmas, and to have this happen after all the effort he's put in. It just breaks my heart.

The Loot (aka, what I got for Christmas)

512mb iPod Shuffle
Brat Pack 3pk (The Breakfast Club, Weird Science, 16 Candles)
War of the Worlds
Crash
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Devil's Reject's
Fraggle Rock - Doin' Things That Doozers Do
Nikka Costa - Can'tneverdidnothin'
Heart - Dreamboat Annie
Dave Navarro - Don't Try This At Home
Shredder
FM Radio/Pedometer
Fruity Shower Gel pack

I also got a ton of knick-knacks/stocking stuffers. I got almost 25 (assorted shapes/sizes/colors) post-it note pads (I am a post-it whore), a variety of pens & some mechanical pencils, an electric nail buffer kit, some fun little keychain-type games, brain teasers, crossword books, a funky pet calendar, pocket triva cards, a tire patch kit for my mountain bike, etc.
Oh, and I cannot forget my special kudos to Lisa (who sent me a gazillion things) for remembering from last year. Last year, as stocking stuffers/candy, she sent me a couple of boxes of buttered popcorn Mike & Ikes! Anyone who knows me knows that I dig the buttered popcorn Jelly Bellies. So she sent me the Mike & Ikes. I've NEVER seen them here, but Cali tends to have a lot of stuff we don't have here. So this year, instead of two boxes she sent me...SIX! Sweeeeeeet! Ha ha ha It's all about the little things. :)

Lisa is also responsible for my tree. We haven't had a tree for the past couple of years because money is usually tight, and goes straight to gifts for everyone. Besides I do Christmas at my dads, and he always has a magnificent tree. Lisa got tired of us not having a tree, so she actually sent a table top artificial tree with lights, and a few accessories. Unfortunately money is non-existent at the moment, and my batteries are toast, so I haven't been able to take a picture for her yet. I told my mom that we couldn't take it down until I snapped a picture though, so once I get batteries I'll post a pic or two. :)

Oh yeah...
After Christmas with money I got from Christmas I hit Warehouse Records where they're having a sale. Call me crazy but I love used movies. They're cheap and that's a big deal for me! ha ha ha
So they had a buy 3 get 1 free used DVD sale, and a 3 for $12 VHS sale. I still only have a VHS in my room at the moment, so I still buy them from time to time. Mostly I buy the VHS as a temp version, but it gives me new stuff to watch in my room.
Here's what I got...
Blade: Trinity (DVD)
Mallrats (DVD)
Chasing Amy (DVD)
Fire in the Sky (DVD)
Heat (VHS)
Life or Something Like It (VHS
Sleeping with the Enemy (VHS)

So needless to say, this Holiday season was all about movies for lil ole me. :)

Anyhoo....
The past little while has been a big fat roller coaster of good & bad. I'm mentally/emotionally exhausted by it all.
So I'm back now, but my schedule's all over the place. I'm totally scattered, so it might be a while before I get back to posting regularly. Hopefully soon though. :)
Just figured I'd post an update.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and would love to hear about it. :)
Ciao 4 now...

John S. Davis Jr. 1919-2005

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 04:28:18 GMT

Only a quick post with very sad news today.
I went to my Grandpa & Grandma's today to fix a computer problem for them.
Grandpa died after dinner. It was fast, and he didn't, to the best of my knowledge, have any pain aside from the ailments he was already dealing with. I'm completely destroyed. He was my hero. The kindest, gentlest, most giving man I have ever known.

I love him, and will miss him deeply.

I may not be around here for a little while, but I wanted to let you know why.
I already miss him so much.

Just a quick note

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 09:15:40 GMT

Hey all!
Here I am, almost a month after my last post. It only feels like about a week has gone by. Sorry about that.
Things have been crazy. The whole holidays thing has my head spinning. I had a nice Thanksgiving with my Dad & co at my Grandma's house. I had Jessica over for the weekend a couple of weekends ago. She's just growing up way too fast. She just turned 12 on Thanksgiving. I feel old. ha ha ha I have a 12 yr old niece! It's all so damned strange to me ha ha ha

I took my sister and her cohorts to the latest Shifft show (the 18th), and I have a ton of pictures to clean up for posting purposes. I'm hoping I'll have sometime here in the next few days. For almost a week straight now I've been out everyday shopping. Malls, Walmart, Target, etc. My feet are killin' me. I have to admit I haven't done nearly as much as I had anticipated when I started, but I'm content with the mild progress I've made.

I've had the opportunity to talk with Lisa/slinkii via phone (rather than instant message) a few times this past couple of weeks. It's been a lot of fun. One night we actually talked for 4 hrs! It was like we were teenagers again.

I do miss chatting with Heather/junebug8girl though. I pop on randomly lately, and we start to chat a bit, but then I have to go, or she has to go. The time difference makes it hard sometimes too. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on track (yeah, like I've never said that before) with her, and everyone else in the next while. I miss everyone. I guess I'll spend the rest of my years feeling sub-par because I can't seem to balance everything. My time management is for shit!

Anyhoo... I got a couple of new movies, and a book over the past couple of weeks. I snagged The Outsiders, and Boiler Room on "Black Friday" for $3.44 at Walmart! Both EXCELLENT movies. I also got Legend, Godsend, and Chain Reaction. I love Legend, but haven't seen the other two, so I hope they don't suck. tee hee

I got "Jarhead" the book. I just know that it's going to be so much more than the movie. I've sworn myself off of the movie until I finish the book. Looks like I won't be seeing it 'til it's released on DVD! ha ha ha

Well, I'm really tired, and am probably coming off a bit scattered at the moment, so I am gonna call it a night. I just wanted to post and say hey for a minute.
More later....

One more thing...

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 04:53:33 GMT

Weeee! I forgot to thank Lisa/slinkii a while ago. She paid for another 6 months of extra icons for me!!!
I completely forgot about the icons ('cause I haven't been here doing LJ related stuff for a while) until I went in to look at what I had (intending on getting rid of some to make room for others), and realized I have space for 85 more! ha ha ha ha

Time to go icon shoppin'! ha ha ha
Thanks Lis! You rock my socks!

Quick update....

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 04:13:10 GMT

Just a small update from yesterday's post.
Great Grandma pulled through her second procedure this afternoon. They're gonna monitor her closely for the next couple of days, but as long as she heals according to plan then in about a week they'll be sending her home. :)

Secondly, I spoke with my niece tonight, and everything seems good to go for us getting her this weekend. The only downside is that because of scheduling issues I am going to have to miss group therapy to go get her. I'm soooo bummed about that, but she is my priority, ya know?

I kinda feel like I'm letting my therapist down. I know that sounds weird, but I totally feel that way. It's like getting a physical trainer. The first few weeks are intense and you're there early everytime (I guess! ha ha ha), but then as ya get further into it the newness wears off, and ya miss sessions, etc. DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND that's not what I feel, but sometimes I think that's the way it seems to her. I don't want her to doubt my level of commitment to getting through all this stuff I'm dealing with. I called this morning about today's session, and swore up and down that starting next week I'd be completely commited to each week. I still feel like a loser though. :(

Oh well...I'm gonna spend the evening doing incredibly unimportant stuff (getting some new icons, and surfing and so forth). :)

Oh and for those of you who have friended me because of the textures and brushes...never fear..more are on the way. I haven't forgotten. Things have just been really crazed around here lately.

Ok, hope everyone is doing well.
More later....

Changes....

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 12:35:50 GMT

Hey all!
Sorry it's been so long again.
It's funny because the last time I posted I literally thought I was free to play catch up on the weekend. I forgot, however that we had dinner plans at my Grandparents house, and then one little thing after another kept me pretty busy away from the 'puter.

This past week we had a slight family emergency that I was asked to help out with (I was glad to be able to). That night I came down with a cold, and have been fighting it ever since. Today was the first day I actually felt alright to sit here for any length of time. I planned on being on first thing, and just spending the entire day here, but I woke up to a phone call. My Great Grandma (dad's side) had to go to the hospital for emergency surgery. It was believed that her chances of pulling through were slim to none. She did, however. They have another procedure scheduled for tomorrow, but the Drs are alot more positive about her chances now that they got the main item taken care of.

Because I have a cold still I couldn't go up to the hospital, so I spent the day offline in hopes of hearing news. My Grandma called at about 6:30-ish to let me know that Great Grandma had pulled through.

I've been feeling kinda guilty tonight though because I don't have any really strong emotional ties to her. I mean there's the automatic love that comes with being in a family, but we really don't have a relationship. So when I heard the news my first reaction wasn't sadness for personal reasons, but concern for my Grandma, and so on. It seems cold, I know, but it's true. I'm unsure how I feel about the lack of relationship we have. It's kinda weird.

Anyhoo...I got a big pick me up shortly before they called. Lisa/slinkii called from down in Cali, and we talked for about an hour. It's always awesome to hear from her! :)
Provided our timing is right tomorrow she's gonna call again so we can talk more. She's going to England for Christmas (her husband is from England, so they're going to see family). I think we've both been bitten by the Christmas bug already. We talked alot about gifts, and I got schooled in shipping costs and whatnot. ha ha ha

I finally finished my Christmas list, but didn't have the energy to make a website for it (like I do, for fun, every year). If ya wanna peek at the dorky requests, here ya go:
http://www.digital-beauty.net/anicee/xmaslist05.html

In other news...
I have to cancel my Therapy appt. again tomorrow. I feel like crap about it, but money's tight. I had to choose between my one-on-one appt, and my group therapy appt. Group is only for two more weeks, and this week seems pretty interesting, so I really wanna go to that one. The group sessions have to do with art therapy, and creative journaling. It's been really interesting, and actually quite fun. I do, however, feel like that nerdy kid in school who raises her hand to answer every question. The one who the teacher tries to avoid by saying things like, "Anyone else?" ha ha ha I've been so enthusiastic about group that I get a little too eager to participate I think. The others in the group are really nice. I'm gonna be bummed when it's over.

Next subject...
I am waaaay excited because if everything works out right I will have my niece, Jessica, over for a visit this coming weekend. I am so jazzed. I'm trying not to get too excited because initially she was supposed to come over this past weekend, but she didn't do chores at home, so as punishment they canceled our weekend with her. :(
I'm worried that may happen again, but sincerely hope not! This is the perfect weekend for it too. She has Thursday and Friday off from school, and if all works out, as I hope it will, then I'll be picking her up on Thursday night, and she'll be here all day Friday! BONUS!!! :)
I haven't seen her in months, and I miss her like crazy.

Ok, I need to go hit the Nyquil and pass out for a while! tee hee, I sound like a drunk! bwah ha ha ha (ok, not THAT funny)
In closing I should mention that I just redesigned my LJ. I had been toying with it for a while, but Lisa/slinkii got me stoked on making a Prison Break header, so I did. :)

More later...

I'm Alive

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 07:36:54 GMT

Hey everyone...
Just a quickie note to let ya know I'm still breathin'.
This weekend I am gonna be attempting to catch up on as much as possible. Including here.

The past couple of weeks I've been on an 8th Grade field trip to Mt. St. Helens, a Blazer Game, started going to a group therapy session in addition to my normal one-on-one, had a horror movie fest last weekend @ my dads, got two computer viruses (or is it virii? ha ha ha), cleaned two computer viruses... the list goes on. For the most part it's been a lot of inconsequential little errands, and some bad, bad days tossed in with some mediocre days, and the few highlights listed.

Everytime I get on the computer I just feel so overwhelmed that it's hard to get back into the swing of things. It's like cleaning house. If ya clean everyday, and the house is basically spotless then it's easy to stay with it. However, if ya let it go for a while, and you're a packrat (like me) then one day you turn around, and to your horror you're up to your eyeballs with stuff that ya really don't need, but can't think to part with. After viewing the mess you get so overwhelmed that ya just don't start. It's nothing personal I swear! I just need a good chunk of time that I can focus with.

Oh, and if you're waiting for an email from me, please be patient. Something went wonky with my mail client when I had the initial virus, and it wiped out all the emails in my inbox. Fortunately I back things up at my webmail site, but I haven't had a chance to go there yet.

I'll have pictures to post from the last Shifft show, and the Mt. St. Helens trip sometime over the weekend.

Oh, duh! One thing. I set my little sister up with a journal here so that she can post about concerts and what not. Feel free to take a peek. It's all pretty new to her, and she can't post the pics she wants until I finish resizing them for the web. Anyhoo, if ya wanna peek it's here:
ravenmidnight

Ok, that's all for now.
More in the next couple of days. :)
Ciao 4 now...

Quickie update...

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 10:26:08 GMT

I would have posted sooner, but between my back, head, and jaw hurting, I just haven't been around that much this week.

This past weekend I took my little sister to her 2nd concert.
I posted about it on my MySpace blog. Never fear kiddies. I'm not abandoning my LiveJournal. I set up the MySpace account because so many of my local band friends and such are there. I decided that if I wanna write about shows I am gonna just post them there, and link to them here. Normal posts will remain here though.

Anyway, if ya wanna read about the show (which ya should because it was hilarious) go here:
Shifft @ Rock n Roll Pizza 09-27-05.

I was looking forward to having a lazy weekend kicking around the house for a change this weekend, but completely forgot that Dad's birthday is Sunday! It's the big 5-0, so can't be missed (not that I'd miss it any other year either). I guess Adrian & Rayna are coming up Friday night (Dad & Karen's Anniversary). Saturday Dad, Adrian, and I are supposed to be driving up to Estacada to shoot guns. tee hee

I know it sounds a little out of character for me (which it totally is), but it's fun.
Dad has several guns. The last time I went target shooting with him I was a teenager. I'll be using the 22 Rifle (I don't trust myself with hand guns).
Back when we went years ago I was such a bad shot. However, I had one of those fuzzy headed pencils (won it in some lame ass school contest), and I put it up on the little dirt hill as a target. There were various cans on the hill as well. I shot and took the head off the pencil without knocking the pencil over. Dad about shit himself. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was aiming at the coke can! BWAH HA HA HA

Anyway, aside from that I've started working on revamping Digital-Beauty.net. I've kinda let it slide for the summer because we've all been working on other projects, and posting a lot of the content we'd normally post there, here in LJ. I think having the break from it was good for all of us, but after some thought (and prodding from the girls) I decided to rekindle it. We've been online since May 2002, and had over 200,000 unique visitors since then. Not huge numbers, but when ya consider it's nothing more than a hobby site, it's good stuff for us! :)

Let's see...whatelse?
It's been a pretty lame week for the most part. I watched Alias for the first time tonight. ha ha ha
I know a lot of people who watch it, but it was always on when another program I watched was on. Now it's on at 8pm on Thursdays. I'm not commited to anything else at that time so I figured, why not? I really enjoyed it. I'm not a big Mission Impossible spy-style fan, but I enjoyed it. There was one scene that showed the two main characters jumping off a cliff, and a parachute opened. The graphics were just dreadful on the parachute, and mom lost her mind. She started going on a tirade about how she was just starting to get into the show, but that scene ruined it for her. *Sigh* oh well. I think she's hooked, and she just doesn't want to admit it. We'll see.

Ok, well nothing new aside from that.
I'm still sooooo far behind on catching up with all of you, but please know it's not intentional.
I'm not planning on staying at Dads overnight on Saturday because with the tension between Rayna & I (even though we are able to be civil to one another) I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable on Dad's birthday. So if all goes according to what I have planned I'll be home late in the evening on Saturday. If so I'll definitely get some LJ reading in. :)

I hope you're all doing well.
Ciao 4 now...

Ahhh Fun for All!!

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 10:42:14 GMT

Ok, I've been meaning to post for a couple of days, so here it is finally!

I took Elyse to her first show this weekend.
I was so worried that I was more excited about it than she was, but my good friend junebug8girl/Heather reminded me that at her age ya have to get them to the event before the excitement hits. She was right! :)

When we got to the club one of the first things I noticed were the signs posted everywhere stating that they wouldn't get their OLCC license until Oct. 1st. That's fine for us, but I knew right away that no booze meant that everyone would be headed up the street to the bar in between bands. That was kind of a drag because that meant that the social aspect of the evening would definitely have it's limits. There was also no smoking in the club. That's actually fine with me as long as you're allowed re-entry, which we were, so all was good. Actually that was kind of a bonus because there were congregations of people out there at various times which led to some fun chats, and interesting experiences. Elyse got to witness a woman throw-up..woo hoo...HA HA HA Everyone kept saying "She's not drunk, she has the flu." So I felt bad for her. A bit later we overheard someone else talking about it, and they said she had jungle juice up the street. Don't know, don't care. I'm just glad that I had my head turned at the appropriate moment cause I'm a pity puker. Ick!

Anyway, the opening band, Shifft was awesome! My sister was still feeling a bit nervous at that point, so we stayed sitting at the table we were at, but she became an instant fan. All night all I heard was Shifft this and Shifft that! ha ha ha

I ran into my friend Jenn during their set, and we jumped and squealed and got a bit dorky for a few! ha ha ha It was such a relief to see her after such a long time.

Over the course of the night I got to see several people I hadn't seen in an eternity, and Elyse got to do the meet & greet too. I think I kinda freaked her out because she's not used to me being so hyper or upbeat. A couple of times she said, "Sissy, you're freakin' me out!" It hadn't honestly occured to me how differently I apparently act. I mean my day to day is mediocre at best, and the shows tend to bring out a sort of teenager-ish energy. I was bouncin' off the walls. For me there's simply nothin' better. The local music scene is my heroine, and I am a proud addict. :)

So the show had it's high moments, and low moments. The high moments were typical. This band rocked, that song kicked ass, etc. The low moments in my opinion were at the end of the night. Most of the crowd/band members had split to go drink, sleep, and/or have sex. Ha ha ha ha

The Strain came on, and I was incredibly curious about them because I hadn't heard anything from them at that point, so I wasn't sure what to expect. My friend, Kevin Hahn is the guitarist, so I was eager to see what he was involved in. It was a bonus that Kevin Rankin was subbing for them on the drums. So they started up, and my impression of it was fun party pop-rock. I don't know how else to describe it. What I didn't know was that Craig Montoya (former bassist for Everclear) was also in the band. I told Elyse who he was, and that gave her a bit of a boost (school yard bragging rights I'm sure). I should disclaim that by the time the band hit the stage there were obvious signs that some of them had spent some time at a bar. Lets just say they were overly happy! tee hee
Anyhoo...it was stated during the show that Craig was celebrating his birthday, so that sort of played into the party tempo they held throughout their set.

Toward the end of the show they were really getting into a song, and Craig jumped up and stood on Kevin's bass drum! The tech was off to the side looking like his heart was about to explode out of his chest, and Elyse and I watched in fear! Kev has a beautiful kit, and I saw the bass drum start to slightly bow. Fortunately he jumped off before it snapped. I was so aggrivated. I mean I didn't know at the time whether there was some understanding or what, but I was raised around instruments and rock bands, and that wasn't something I can imagine a drummer taking kindly to. Especially not with a top-end kit like Kevin has. I sighed with relief as things seemingly calmed down a bit.

The last song of the night was a cover of "Whole Lotta Rosie," by AC/DC, and Craig took on the vocals for it. He was actually doing pretty well, and it was a lot of fun...until the end of the song. The guys began getting a bit crazy on stage. Kevin slid his guitar along the stage, and anarchy ensued. Craig got up on the drum riser, stuck the neck of his bass in between Kevins cymbals, and (if I saw correctly) knocked over his hi-hat, and then banged against his toms knocking them completely out of place, and nearly knocking the entire drum set over!! Elyse and I were both shrieking. It was insane. Kevin got up, threw his sticks down and walked off the stage!!!

I wanted to hang around and see if he was ok, if his kit survived, etc, but it was late, and Elyse had to call her mom who insisted on picking us up. I also felt like maybe things might have become heated, and it wouldn't be the best time for me to be around.

I talked to Kevin (Rankin...sorry if you're confused about the two Kevin's) via email, and he confirmed what I thought. Let's just say he was less than thrilled about how things played out.

As far as I'm concerned Kevin Rankin is the poop! Hands down he's an awesome asset to the local music community for various reasons, but his talent, and genuinely warm personality shine far above the majority. To treat him and his gear like that is downright shameful.

Anyway, I've been out of the loop for far too long, so the drama doesn't need to come from me. I just thought it was bullshit, and had to mention it.

While I was there I took a total of 55 pictures. My camera SUCKS though! It's old. It's a digital, but it's a few years old (only a 1.3 MP), and the button sticks on it. It hates taking the picture when I want it to. It ate a total of 8 batteries that night, and NONE of the band shots turned out. I'm so bummed.

I got a total of 4 pictures out of them all, so here they are (click thumbs for larger images):

	Me & Jenn
	Elyse before the show
	The Marquee
	Elyse w/ Jake of Shifft

In closing we did walk away with a bit of swag. I got a new DFiVE9 t-shirt, and Elyse got the Point Defiance CD. Both were worth it! :)

Ok, well, I'm pooped...off to la-la land.
More later.

Eek, sorry it's been so long!

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 10:11:51 GMT

I am soooo sorry it's been so long.
I've kinda been in a posting rut. Everyday I say to myself, "I need to post in my journal." Then I get distracted, and forget. I suck! Arg!

Anyhoo... what's the latest? Let's see.

I think the biggest news (at least what's on my mind at the moment) is the show this Saturday night. I'm taking my 13yr old sister to see DFiVE9, Point Defiance, The Strain, and Shifft at The Hawthorne Theatre.

I'm totally stoked too. My friend Jenn is gonna be there, and I have old friends in 3 of the 4 bands playing. I'm so excited to see everyone. it's so funny because I went to the DFiVE9 show on August 19th, and found out about the Point Defiance show around the same time because Nic (DFiVE9's vocalist) is now the owner of the club. I was excited to see Point Defiance (I haven't seen/spoken to Lamar or Lucas in years), and then I found out that DFiVE9 was going to play as well, along with The Strain.

Another friend, Kevin Rankin (currently drumming for Animotion) is also gonna be there, and as it turns out he's going to play for both Point Defiance, and The Strain! How crazy eh? He's a great guy, and an extremely talented drummer, so if anyone can do it, he can. :)

Aside from just rambling about how excited I am, this is really a good show to take Elyse to. Not only do I like both DFiVE9, and Point Defiance (this will be my first experience hearing the other two bands, but Kevin Hahn is playing for The Strain, so I'm sure it's gonna be awesome), but having some familiar faces around is going to help make her experience that much better. I mean I've been trying to remember how I felt when I went to my first national show (Ozzy/Motley Crue, age 9, with my dad), and when I started to go to local shows that my dad wasn't playing on. I remember how much cooler it always felt, for me, because I could talk to the musicians, and just had that general access that you wouldn't have if you went to an arena show. I also pointed out that the cool thing about local bands is that if she ends up really getting into any of them, they play here a lot more frequently than any national act, and she can afford to go to multiple shows without having to ask my dad to take out a loan to pay for tickets, ya know?

I'm almost afraid that I'm more excited than she is, but I'm not sure. She tends to be a little less animated than I am, and she's 13 to boot, which means she gets that kinda melancholic teenager vibe about her, so sometimes it's hard to read her. I spoke to her tonight though, and she had spaced that it was this weekend. So when I reminded her it put some pep in her step. :)

Anyway, enough about that. I could just go on and on. Being back in touch with people, and slowly getting back into the local scene is just so exciting for me. I've missed it soooo much!

In other news...tee hee
My dad's still gonna be sent to New Orleans to assist with the clean up and rebuild down there, but hasn't been given a date. His company is swamped up here, and they really need him, so his boss has been fighting to keep him for as long as possible before he has to go. He's definitely going though. I'm still really concerned for him, but he's a natural born leader, so if anyone can be effective down there it's him. I just worry about what being in that atmosphere must do to ones mental state, ya know? I mean I can't imagine being one of those people who had to suffer like they did, but going in to clean up the mess from the storm? The disease, bodies, smell, heat...I am more than happy to volunteer to pack things or do phone work or whatever, but to actually be in that environment? I don't know if I'm strong enough. Probably not.

I have another Drs appt on the 5th, and I get to tell him that it's not gastro-intestinal. I knew it wasn't. I mean if your heart is doing weird things, 9 out of 10 times you're gonna be able to tell it's your heart. Every Dr that I've ever seen about this has gone to the gastro-intestinal thing first, and gotten absolutely nowhere. My current Dr rocks though, and now that I've taken the medication he gave me, and it didn't work he'll be reassured that it isn't gastro-intestinal, and we can start focusing a bit more rather than doing the random guessing thing.

Therapy is going very well. It's so funny because when I started going I had all these preconceived notions about how it would work, and how ineffective it would be. Several of the things I thought would happen, did, but they worked rather than just coming across stupid. I've actually learned quite a bit. Of course we're still just beginning, but it helps just knowing that I have that outlet, ya know? I never thought I'd open up to anyone in that situation, but I've told her things I never thought I'd say out loud! ha ha ha She's awesome!

Other than that I can't think of anything else to say at the moment. I'm really tired. I just signed on a little while ago to check mail and do a couple of things. I've had an evil bitch of a headache all day, so the computer was the last place I wanted to be.

I think I'm still adjusting to the new glasses.

So I'm gonna close for now, and get some sleep, but I'll try and be more active here. I know I need to catch up with several of you, and I'll be making major efforts after the weekend. I've just been spacing the whole journaling thing all together in the past little while. I'm really trying to get my portfolio done, but when ya work on something that's supposed to show off your stuff it never comes out right. I had a design that I started with, and have changed it like 50 gazillion times over the course of the past week or so. Tonight I promised myself that I wouldn't redesign it anymore until I got it finished, and got the content up there. It's not fantastic by any means, but it's further than I've been in months ha ha ha

Ok, ok...going now.
Ciao!

Sooo nervous, mad, worried, etc...

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 19:04:12 GMT

I just found out that my dad got his alert. They're gonna be sending him down to the disaster area. He's not sure exactly when (within a few days), but it's definite.
He's the safety manager for a major international company that deals with damage restoration. They go to fire and water damage scenes, and clean and repair damages, etc. That's the extent of my knowledge about his job. The one thing that I know is he was one of like 40 people in the entire company who was trained for major natural disaster, and terrorist stuff. That's why they want him down there.

I already told him (before we knew for sure) that I'd go over and help out with their house, and Elyse while he's away. Karen's been keeping some pretty crazy hours at work, and it's been tough for them to find time to keep up with everything. So I am gonna go stay there for a bit, and help with things.

When we initially talked he suggested that he could be gone for a couple of months! My dad is a natural leader, and I know he'll do some good while he's there, but I'm concerned for him.
I mean just the images on the TV have been traumatic. I can't even fathom what it must be like to actually be there.

Which is a perfect segue to the bigger picture.

Did we not impeach Clinton for having sex with an intern? The why, for the love of God, can't we impeach Bush for...oh I dunno...flagrant ignorance??
I have been watching the news a lot. I'm so heart broken over what's going on in Louisiana, Mississippi, and all who've suffered because of it.

I was appauled when I saw the news yesterday and they were saying that no aide had been delivered to a majority of the people down there. As many have said thus far... We can easily give aide, almost instantly, to the victims of the Tsunami, and we can go tear down and restructure Iraq, but we can't get food and water to cities in our own country? WTF??

It just makes me sick! Those poor people are suffering. They're dying because we can't give them simple things like food & water.

The president has been there twice now, and for what? So that he can take security/police away from helping out to protect him? What if, rather than him going there and delivering a speech, he filled airforce one full of supplies, and sent it down to help.

What a SMUG FUCK!

I don't have any money to give, but I am going to go donate blood. I know it may not mean much, but I have Type O Negative, and that's usually what they run short on first, so maybe it'll help someone.

Anyhoo... I'm gonna close for now. This topic just absolutely tears me apart.
I'll post more about what's been up here a bit later.

Happy Birthday to me, Dr's appt, glasses, etc...

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 10:16:37 GMT

Well, it's official, I'm 31. I don't feel any older, and it bums me out that I'm not incredibly excited about my birthday, but I have nothing planned in the way of celebrating. I'm gonna go hang out with my dad, step-mom, and little sister for the weekend, and we're going to my Grandma's for a BBQ, but aside from that, nada.

I did, however, make an appointment with America's best Eyewear for tomorrow at 4pm. As I mentioned in my last post, Dad & family gave me the money to do this for my birthday.
So I'm gonna go in there, and hope for the best. I'm a little concerned because my mom went in for the same deal (exam, and two pair of glasses for $69.95 -- TwoPair.com, and by the end of her appointment they charged her $120! So I'm gonna go in there, and tell 'em straight up, "I have a check for $69.95. Aside from that I have bus fare home, so let's not go overboard!" ha ha ha
I guess we'll see.

I had my therapy appointment yesterday. That went well. I really like my therapist, Alexandria. The only thing that's difficult for me is volume. She's so soft spoken. I never realized how loud I was, even when relaxed. I'm not gonna go into details here as to what we're doing, but I will say that I DEFINITELY think going to therapy was a good idea for me. Even if it's all in my head that it's getting me out of this funk, that's enough. I think the mere idea that I'm taking steps to change my life, and deal with whatever it is that is bothering me so badly is exactly what I need to start feeling a bit more like myself.

I also had my Drs appt today. That went well. My jaw has been killing me lately (TMJ), and I've been experiencing some borderline-migraine headaches, so I'm gonna start taking the muscle relaxers again. I really hope they'll do the trick because I think I'll go completely insane if I have to deal with this, as it is now, for much longer.

Oh, and I told him that after having 3 drinks (Midouri Sours, YUM!) at the DFive9 show this past Friday that I had a PSVT (Paroxysmal Supraventricular Tachacardia) episode that freaked me out. So I'm not gonna be drinking anymore. I figured it was ok because the ER Drs said every once in a while was fine. After Friday night I'm a sober girl from here on out! So no caffeine, no alcohol, and technically I'm not supposed to be smoking either. I swear, can't a poor girl have an old fashioned vice or two? Dammit! tee hee

As for the flip-floppy, bungee-jumping heart thing, he wants to try and see if it's gastro-intestinal now. So he gave me some generic Pepcid. I'm gonna start taking it daily (along with the atenolol, zoloft, asprin, and vitamin). I swear, my table is looking more and more like a medicine cabinet. I can't fathom what someone with a serious illness like AIDs must have to deal with. Taking the few pills that I take everyday can sometimes seem too much. I can't imagine having to take like 15+ pills multiple times a day.

Aside from that he just recommended that I spend more time out on my bike. I'm out, usually, everyday, but lately it's been more focused on taking my dog out for a ride than my own exercise. So I gotta get back on track with that.

Anyhoo...just an update for those that care. :)
I haven't had much of a chance to catch up on my friends list, so I apologize for not responding to some of your posts. I'll be back in catch up mode after the weekend.

Ok, well, I'm pooped, so I'm gonna go pop a cyclobenzaprine, and crash for the night.
I'll catch up with you all soon.
Ciao 4 now...

I am an airhead (not that I needed to tell you that)!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 09:49:02 GMT

So today started out rough. I'd just started waking up when I heard a knock on my door, and my dog started barking and yelping. I shot out of bed and was hollering at whomever was at the door to hang on. I got dressed and flew out to the front door. It was my dad. He was bringing my birthday present to me. Awww, how sweet. I do wish I didn't have bedhead when I answered though. That's just downright unpleasant! :)

So he handed me a card, and I felt weird, like I didn't know if I should open it or if I was supposed to wait til Thursday, my actual birthday.
We talked for a few minutes, and then he had to leave to head back to work (he works not to far from here, so stopping by on breaks is feasible).
Anyway, he left and I opened it! ha ha ha

I'm so stoked! In the awesome card was a check for $70 so that I can go get new glasses!
I haven't had my eyes checked in like 10 years. I got my frames replaced in like '98, but now that I'm not as slim as I used to be the glasses don't fit right. When I smile it's like I have four cheeks! HA HA HA

So I am planning on probably going in on my birthday to see about getting some new ones, and an exam to see what the damage is. I'm dreading the results, but I figure it can't be absolutely horrible because the ones I have now still work fine. I admit that there's a bit more straining going on these days, but that's a recent thing.

So I got DFive9 CDs from my mom, and a check for glasses from my dad. Very cool on both accounts, but now I'm feelin' like a dork for opening the card because that's the extent of my birthday! ha ha ha I should have waited.

Anyhoo...
This afternoon I had to go pay the waterbill. I swear the rates between the electric and water...grrr...don't even get me started!
So I hop the bus, and head downtown. The trip is about 30-45 minutes (depending on traffic). I get down there, and walk into the office. The lady behind the counter asks if I've been helped, and then leads me back to her desk.

I reach into my purse to pull out the bill and the money, and then it hit me....I AM A FRIGGIN' AIRHEAD!!!
I grabbed the money before I left, and set it down when I was looking for the bill. I proceeded to put the bill in my purse, but I left the money on the table!
I apologized for wasting her time about a million times, and then I left with a smile on my face all the while thinking how stupid the whole thing was. ha ha ha
So I get to go down again tomorrow before I head to my therapy appointment. At least I'll remember the MONEY this time! :)

Ok, going to bed now...
More later.

Weeeeeeeeee!

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 18:07:24 GMT

Ok gang, only a quick sec to write because I'm getting ready to head out to lunch with my Grandparents, but I had to post.

This has easily been one of the best weekends I've had in a couple of years!
I went to the DFive9 show on Friday and it was AWESOME! I saw some familiar faces, and have been able to reconnect with a few old friends (which thrills the hell out of me).

Only two aspects of the night sucked ass. Mainly the bus thing sucks. I mean it's not like I've never dealt with it before, or am not used to it, but not being able to saty for an entire show when you're having as good of a time as I was just sucks!

The second part is the drinking. I know I'm not supposed to, but I had 3 (yes I said THREE) Midori Sours while I was there. All was good 'til I got home. My heart started freaking out a little bit. The doctor said every once in a while was fine, but I dunno, I'm not trying to make that happen, ya know?

Last thing I need is a trip to the ER via ambulance where I get to tell the Dr that I'm there cause of booze! ha ha ha

Anyhoo...
Yesterday was fun too...nothing fancy, but fun. We hit the mall, and just got out of the heat, and looked around. That's such a love/hate experience for me because I like getting out, and just dorkin' around, but fashion today just makes me scratch my head sometimes. ha ha ha

Today isn't gonna be quite as fun as the past two, but it'll be active.

I'm getting ready to leave to have lunch with my Grandparents. Then we have to do grocery shopping. After that I know we're going somewhere, but for the life of me, as I write this, it's conveniently slipped my mind. :)

Ok, well I need to run. I will, most likely, post again later.
Ciao 4 now...

So Excited!

Thu, 18 Aug 2005 01:05:16 GMT

Ok, I know I still haven't resumed regular posting, but it's a work in progress.

I am so excited though, and I have to get it out. :)

Ok, as most of you know, I used to run a local music magazine here in Portland. I left the magazine in 1999.
Since then I've gone to a handful of local shows, but the experiences always ended badly.
Ya see, I was so wrapped up in it for so many years that I found myself struggling with just going to the show to see the bands. I always wanted to be doing something. Working for someone, or schmoozing...any of the things I used to do at shows. Unfortunately that always lead to massive panic attacks, and I couldn't stay for the whole show because I'd start getting super freaked out.

Well, the last show I attempted to go to was last September. I thought if I just picked a lineup that was almost completely unfamiliar to me that I'd be ok. Not so. Same thing happened. I left before the band I wanted to see came on.

Well, I learned the other day that DFive9 is playing at this new club called Rock 'n Roll Pizza. The guitar player for DFive9 was a good friend of mine, worked with me (as a damn good photographer, and all around helpful guy) on the magazine, and I was a big fan of his former band (Mobius). I was just getting familiar with DFive9 when I faded out of the local music scene. I honestly can't tell you the hows & whys at this point because, if I'm being honest, a lot of it is a blur to me. I was jumping from one project to another. I had one conflict after another, and eventually I remember crying myself to sleep one night thinking (vividly), "Well, that's it. It's done." That was a very sad time for me because I had such an exciting passion for the work that so many of the bands were doing. I loved being able to help them. I loved watching so many of them grow. It was my heart. In the end I simply fell down the path of bad decisions, and that was that.

Anyway, I found out that DFive9 is having a show this weekend, and got pretty excited. I have a few of their MP3's on my regular playlist rotation, and just love it to pieces. Initially I told my mom that I wanted to go. She wearily asked, "Are you sure?" because she was there before. She saw how bad it was. I told her, "Look, I really think it's time to start dealing with things, and maybe if I go to this show, maybe if I see Mike it'll make things better. Ya know, a familiar face after all these years." I knew I'd flip flop on it. One day I'm like, I so can't wait. The next, maybe it's not a good idea. I decided last night that I will regret it if I don't go. I WANT to go so badly. So I commited to it. I emailed Mike (I haven't spoken with him in years) a couple of days ago (before I was sure I'd go) to say hi, and that I enjoyed the music. My fear was that I'd pissed him off, or that he didn't want me there (I don't remember how things were when we last spoke. I just remember how awesome fo a guy he is, and all the fun experiences I had, etc). I didn't hear back from him (though I hadn't anticipated I would at the time).

I emailed him today to tell him that I was gonna go to the show. I swear it wasn't even 2 minutes before I heard back from him. He didn't seem mad at all. So I'm almost certain that aside from just dropping off the face of the earth, I didn't do anything to upset him years ago (thankfully). Just hearing from him today made me feel A LOT better about going Friday.

I just think that I am finally ready to reconnect with the rest of the world. It's going to be a slow process due to the events of the last couple of years, but I really feel like now is a perfect time.
My 31st birthday is the 25th of this month, and I'd like to think that I can consider my 31st year, the year that things finally turned around.

Ok,I'm not even sure how I turned that from being a "Weee I'm going to a show" post to a "Anicee's feelin' the healin'" post, but I did.
That's my cue to close. :)
Ciao 4 now...

Movie meme

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 05:39:06 GMT

I'm bored, and slinkii posted this, so I figured I'd give it a go. She'd only seen 5 more than me (and a couple were because I'm waiting for her to send me a package! *eh hem* tee hee) which kinda surprised me. Her movie list is probably 3 times the size of mine, but it was interesting to see the different ones she'd seen compared to the ones I'd seen. :)
Put a number next to each movie you've seen, and if you've seen more than 70, then you probably have no life :).

(1) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(2) Grease
(3) Pirates of the Caribbean
(4) Boondock Saints
() The Mexican
(5) Fight Club
(6) Starsky and Hutch
(7) Neverending Story
(8) Blazing Saddles
(9) Airplane
(10) The Princess Bride
(11) Young Frankenstien
() AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(12) Napoleon Dynamite (DUMB!)
() Saw
() White Noise
(13) White Oleander
(14) Anger Management
(15) 50 First Dates
() Jason X
(16) Scream
(17) Scream 2
(18) Scream 3
(19) Scary Movie
(20) Scary Movie 2
(21) Scary Movie 3
(22) American Pie
(23) American Pie 2
() American Wedding
(24) Harry Potter
(25) Harry Potter 2
() Harry Potter 3
(26) Resident Evil I
()Resident Evil 2
(27) The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
() The Village
(28) Donnie Darko
() Lilo & Stitch
(29)Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(30) 13 Ghosts
(31) Signs
(32) The Grinch
(33) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() White Chicks
(34) Butterfly Effect
(35) Thirteen Going on 30
() I, Robot
(36) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(37) Universal Soldier
(38) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(39) Along Came Polly
(40) Deep Impact
(41) KingPin
(42) Never Been Kissed
(43) Meet The Parents
(44) Meet the Fockers
() Eight Crazy Nights
(45) A Cinderella Story
() The Terminal
(46) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(47) Dumb & Dumber
(48) Dumb & Dumberer
(49) Final Destination
(50) Final Destination 2
(51) Halloween
(52) The Ring
(53) The Ring 2
() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(54) Practical Magic
(55) Chicago
(56) Ghost Ship
(57) From Hell
(58) Hellboy
(59) Secret Window
(60) I Am Sam
(61) The Whole Nine Yards
(62) The Day After Tomorrow
(63) Child's Play
() Bride of Chucky
(64) Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
() Gothika
(65) Nightmare on Elm Street
(66) Sixteen Candles
() Coach Carter
(67) Bad Boys
(68) Bad Boys 2
(69) Joy Ride
(70) Seven
(71) Oceans Eleven
() Oceans Twelve
(72) Identity
(73) Lone Star
() Bedazzled
(74) Predator I
(75) Predator II
(76) Independence Day
(77) Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
(78) Darkness Falls
(79) Christine
(80) ET
(81) Children of the Corn
(82) My Boss' daughter
(83) Maid in Manhattan
(84) Frailty
() Best Bet
(85) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(86) She's All That
() Calendar Girls
() Sideways
(87) Mars Attacks
(88) Event Horizon
(89) Ever After
(90) Forrest Gump
(91) Big Trouble in Little China
(92) X-Men
(93) X-2: X-Men United
(94) Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
(95) Catch Me If You Can
(96) The Others
(97) Freaky Friday (both versions)
(98) Reign of Fire
(99) Cruel Intentions
(100) The Hot Chick
(101) Swimfan
(102) Miracle
(103) Old School
() Ray
() The Notebook
(104) K-Pax
(105) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(106) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(107) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(108) A Walk to Remember
() Boogeyman
() Hitch
(109) The Fifth Element
(110) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(111) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
() Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
(112) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(113) Star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(114) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi...
(115) Troop Beverly Hills
(116) Swimming with Sharks
(117) Air Force One
(118) For Richer or Poorer
(119) Trainspotting
(120) People Under the Stairs
() Blue Velvet
(121) Sound of Music
(122) Parent Trap 1
(123) Parent Trap 2
(124) The Burbs
(125) The Terminator
(126) Empire Records
() SLC Punk
(127) Meet Joe Black